The Scales of Justice

Comedy of Errors
Hopper Pass

My head is spinning right now, so many feels. We started searching in this mausoleum for this ancient relic. Then all of the sudden… a presence I haven’t felt since… Why would my Ranger mentor Elyas be in Thoradin? We could really use the help so I won’t complain. These dwarves don’t know their ass from the hole in the ground that they also happen to live in.

Then, just as suddenly I felt an overwhelming surge of emotion as Elyas passed the bond he has with his wolf Hopper to me. I can feel Hopper getting closer, but I can’t sense Elyas anymore. What the hell is going on?

Oh shit! I guess I’ll have to deal with this later. The damn dwarf ran into a wall or something and now we’ve got 2 Ogres coming right for us. I’m all out of sorts at the moment so I grab the dwarf woman and head into the darkness to hide her. I shot at one of the ogres using ensnaring strike. That was dumb! Those things are huge, did I really think a few vines were going to stop it. Then Unitorn blasts the dwarf with a fireball. (I did enjoy that quite a bit. “oh help, my beard is on fire” hehehe) Then the monk gets knocked right on his ass (he was still a little drunk… lightweight) and a horrendous looking ogre mage lights us up with a fireball. Then I go and miss an easy shot at the ogre. I never miss…especially when the target is so big and close. I’m so out of it, I almost got hit with a tree. Thankfully, I’m just that damn good and I dodged at the last second.

I’m not sure who because my mind is elsewhere but one of my companions took out the remaining ogres. I feel Hopper getting closer with each passing minute. I also feel a stream of piss running down my leg because I hear a hoard of god knows what heading in our direction.

Time to go!

Clerical Error- Rigmor Talonbeard
"It is not your time...."

Finding this ancient relic is proving to be quite the task. As we delve deeper into the catacombs, it is without a doubt that these foul messengers of Evil will stand against us every chance they get. We happened upon a few Ogres but, upon my assessment of the situation, I took a misstep and noisily crashed into the mineral formations that jettison in every which direction. Having heard my clumsiness, they hastily advanced on us. The tiefling bard, Unitorn, released a fireball that seemed mostly to leave the Ogres unaffected but had me roasting in my armour! Then, a most wretched looking Ogre Mage appeared and placed her own fireball into the middle of our group.

Everything went white……

The next thing I knew, I was standing in a field at the entrance of a grand stone bridge that stretched across a chasm that seemingly went on forever. On the other side was a magnificent kingdom, made of the most radiant ores and hardiest stones! The sky seemed to be golden around it! I started to walk across the bridge but suddenly felt compelled to stop. I looked up and saw a massive figure, though the light coming from behind was so blinding that my vision proved too blurry and hindered to make out who it was. He spoke in a voice so booming and commanding, yet comforting at the same time. I swear it was the voice of the Almighty Reorx himself. He told me I had unfinished business in the material plane and the everything went black.

I awoke, undoubtedly the work of the Paladin, to see my friends fighting one of the Ogres next to me. I stood up, quickly healed what damage I could and dropped my shield. With the renewed strength of the Father of Creation, I took two great swipes with my hammer, felling the rancid creature. The rest of the party then quickly dispatched of the other Ogres, only to quickly find we were not out of the fire yet. Thane Beowulf suddenly reappeared to tell us that something was coming our way. Something much, much worse…….

Leading up to Leomund's

Our diverse, yet powerful group accomplished quite the feat. We were asked by the king to help defeat and fend off the enemies. Before our attack, several members of our group healed some of the sick and impaired citizens. After reviving these dwarves, we got down to business. By working together, utilizing some powerful spells , and executing superior attacks, we were able to kill our enemies (some epic and monstrous creatures). At this point, we were able to free the restrained girl who was surrounded by the attacked creatures, in which she started speaking of an old dwarf King. Our group was unsure what to make of this until all of a sudden Unitorn recognized this king from her music studies of lore. The spirit of the King appeared and seeked out our help. We made the decision to take on this conquest. Unitorn cast up Leomund’s hut before embarking what I’m sure is about to be an interesting and eventful adventure.

The Hangover

I’m a little hazy on the details of the past couple days. My head is killing me, and i’m in a hut made by some chick with horns and I got hammered with a monk last night. Note to self: I think that guys got a problem. I know I’m hungover but what the hell happened to that guy with the penis face? He seems to have just disappeared. Then there was that other Rogue…Doc McStabbins or something like that (I’m starting to think thats not his real name) At first I thought he was just dressed up as the horny chick but she started doing some crazy magic. And why the F*%* does she abbrev everything? Damn, now I’m doing it! Note to self: try and bang that chick. Also, where did that other dwarf go? I need a place to rest my balls. How about that, I actually miss that piece of garbage. Maybe all dwarves aren’t so bad.

Moving on… Our new little party has followed some ancient dwarf king with no sense of humor down a pit to gods know where. I’m hoping these little bastards can lead me to Zucco. It seems like he’s somehow involved in all this trouble. It doesn’t surprise me but I have t make sure I get to him first and make him pay. One more thing… I have this weird memory of shooting some demon frog. Did that really happen or does this monk just have some really good booze.

So many brethren....covered in the blood of War....- Rigmor Talonbeard
A dwarf is a dwarf, of course, of course

Many were lost.

I did what I could. Working as a tool of the almighty Reorx, I did what I could to get what Dwarven battle brothers still had the breath of life within them to their feet, so that they might rejoin this battle against evil. An evil force indeed. What could it want with this Kingdom though? What is its purpose to besiege the stoneforged walls of Thoradin? Upon King Severus’ request, I intend to find out. I will fight to help my fellow race, no matter what reach of land they hail from.

We have found some lead in a curious encounter. After rescuing a dwarven lass named Prucilik, we have found that she is the kin, very likely the last, of the Stonewardens. The Stonewardens are a long line sworn to protect some family heirloom of seemingly incredible interest to these demons that plague the deep ruins beneath the kingdom. To further add to this unusual journey, the apparition of her legendary ancestor, Thane Beowulf, stands at our side. His insight and knowledge, while certainly unorthodox in form, will certainly be a boon to our party’s intent to see this through.

As we travel far below the bowels of the city, I can tell that we have quite an uphill struggle before us. We shall fight till death though. I swear on my honour as a priest of War, the enemies of Thoradin are now my own enemies. Foes of the Stonewardens will answer to the just hammer of Rigmor Talonbeard!

New solution to a old problem

Helping people hasn’t always come easy for me. One would think spending years calling a monastery home that helping others would be second nature. But when I saw the smoke funneling up towards the sky it reminded me of the day…THE DAY that everything changed for me… and with that I knew this could not be ignored.

As my friend Unitorn and myself made it to the top of the mountain just outside of the gates to the Dwarven City we saw a group of people standing in awe. Upon a quick introduction everybody got to work, with Unitorn singing to help those hurt and myself denying any foul beast with air in its lungs a chance at continuing this assault.

I saw a human (Grayson) with a bow firing arrows at some creatures that were stuck under rocks and for a moment was admiring the skill in which he shot with, hopefully after this I can sit down and have a conversation with him.

After we had finished outside the gates the King of this city asked for our help in clearing the city of any enemies and offering assistance to any citizens still alive. I thought to myself “I’m already in waist deep water so I may as well continue to the other side.”

The group and I walked down a corridor and to our horror saw a young girl restrained to a table with four creatures surrounding her. It was us that stuck first as the human archer and myself fired arrows at the more humanish looking being. Then in disbelief saw one of the winged creatures fly directly through a rock wall!

The creature had attempted to attack us from the rear but was met with a thunderous wave from Unitorn that knocked the beast back and despite its attempts to hide in the shadows was ultimately slain by all of us.

Once we had cleared the area we released the girl and restrained the one human with two arrows sticking out of him to the table. That is when things got strange as a spirit from beyond appeared and asked for our help again (Dwarves needing help is a reoccurring theme so far.)

As he seeming floated down a cylinder shaped hole in the floor the group followed suit, and as I took a closer look it this hole has invisible steps leading down. As I “float” down this cylinder shaped cavern I can’t help but wonder if I have had the sun kiss my face for the last time.

You Owe Me A Pint

Elrithian Valenwood took us into his family grove and assured us that it would be very difficult for the giant army to find us. I was and still am leery about putting my trust in an elf, but considering the alternative there is not much choice. The army of ogres, giants, and owlbears would be too much for this party to handle. It felt good to finally get some rest before being startled by the elf rushing in to let us know that there was possibly an ogre and an ettin walking towards the grove. As we prepared ourselves for battle Toren decided to bet me a pint that he would take the first enemy down. I took that bet. As everyone got into position I took my place in front of King Severus in order to keep him protected. Suddenly a blast from a fireball hit directly in front of me hitting myself, the king, and Ragnar. Knowing that a pint was riding on it I decided to sprint in and take down the ettin with four swift slashes of my sword. I don’t even think he knew what hit him. I sprinted after the invisible enemy as did the rest of the group. As we neared the river I saw a giant splash. Assuming the position of the enemy I grabbed my last javelin and threw it hitting what turned out to be a necromancer. The bastard was dead and we were finally able to finish our resting. Elrithian sent us back to Thorbardin using a windwalk spell. Unfortunately, Thorbardin appears to have succumbed to the chaos of the giant/ogre/necromancer army. The only question that remains at this point is, when do I get my pint?

Shit just got weird

Fucking Dwarves! No sense of humor on these guys. I thought that things couldn’t get any weirder after going to hell. Boy was I wrong. We all agree to escort this pint size king back to the lollypop guild. First we run into a massive hill giant. The guy that looks like a giant penis decides he wants to eat a rock for breakfast…wonderful. Those of us with skill easily take down stompy and move on. I scout ahead, mainly because the rest of them are incompetent. There’s like 10 Owl-bears! Once I rejoin my group I try to explain that these hideous monsters resemble the Dwarves wife. You know, just to give them a frame of reference for how ugly the Owl-bears are. This stubby prick punches me right in the mouth. I’ll get him back soon, it wasn’t the time with all the monsters chasing us and shit. Here is where shit gets weird. We find a secret cave to hide from all the crazies. Down a long set of stairs we find a boat and a stream that leads down a dark tunnel. Lets all hang on outside the boat! We must protect the King! Horseshit! Anyway, we take a nice long ride down the ice cold river then we see the light at the end of the…WATERFALL! Then this dwarf asshat decides to try and save himself and the king. The rest of us float out over the falls and hang there. Weird shit! But wa wa wait it gets worse! This dwarf tries to throw his king onto the boat, and misses. We all tried to catch the King (I gave a very half-assed effort) but he starts plummeting to his death. Then dumb shit decides he’s going to leap off the waterfall and break the kings fall. Good riddance. It’s at this time that the boat starts slowly lowering down to the ground. Unfortunately both dwarves survived the fall. Then, out of nowhere the giant turtle I saw earlier comes back. And it transformed into an elf druid…WTF! I thought life in the circus was strange.

We Be Travelin

Finally out of hell and on the road again. We’re on our way south with King Severus and we stumble on this hill giant. He’s not too happy, but everything turns out perfect besides one of our guys getting pummeled by a rock. As we venture further south we came upon some ogres and owlbears. Man those things are fugly. Rather than take our chances in a fight we decide to take off into the forest which wasn’t really what we had planned. It seems like plans always get messed up with these guys. We find this lever behind this rock and escape down into this cave. I had an eerie feeling about this place when I saw a small stream and boat sitting at the bottom of the cave. We all decide to hang onto this boat and take off through the tunnel. As we’re nearing the end of the tunnel everyone starts panicking because it seems like a huge drop. Suddenly we are floating in the air falling gently down to the ground while King Severus takes a plunge because of the other jackass dwarf trying to be a hero. As we get to the bottom a turtle is sitting there and transforms into an elf. Great! From hell to the elves. This sucks.

I'm having trouble remembering

So we spent some time in hell…that was fun. I’m having trouble remembering exactly what happened. I know I stabbed some invisible chick. Then she helped us get over the wall before the demon hordes attacked so there’s that. The god damn dwarf almost didn’t make it over. I have to say a tiny… a large piece of me wanted that stubby fuck to not make it over with us.

I vaguely remember Righty …dressing up like an imp? Something like that. He grabbed some rod that teleported us out of hell with a chest full of goodies. Its all kind of hazy. Its almost like this all happened 6 months ago. Weird, I don’t know where to go from here.


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